So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
