just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
