Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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