Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
