Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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