He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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