i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize