So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well you can't waste a boner
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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