can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
