If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
