do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
