so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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