So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my poor anus
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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