Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize