I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
