It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
