Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
