Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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