i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize