Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
