the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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