Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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