She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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