Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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