We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize