so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
