Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
