so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
