I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your cock deserves a montage
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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