I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
4 words: hood of his car
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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