nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
