my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they're like a gay fantastic four
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
