1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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