Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
