So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
