Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
