Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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