Fine. I'll sleep in my office
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
