my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize