apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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