Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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