I hate all girls vehemently.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
