I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
