it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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