toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize