is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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