and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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