My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
