we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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