I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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