i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
