FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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