just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
