I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
