he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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