I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize