Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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