he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
