so explain again why im purple
no
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
