I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
