Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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