bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
