the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
