Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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