i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
