Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize