What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
