You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
