i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
