I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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