im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They took my balls.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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