just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize