I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
