What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
