hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My pussy is not your playground.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
