I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
