Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
