why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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