i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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