You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
