Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
