My brain says no but my pants say off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
