He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
