I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize