there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
