lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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