did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
