I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
