dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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