Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
