i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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