Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
