So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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