K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
