Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
