okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
