I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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