Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
