Non-Jews are for practice
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
