Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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