the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
