maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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